How to Heal Your Father Wound with Faith and Grace

 Matthew J. Wolak Joins Marcus Hart to Tackle Men’s Deepest Pain

HOUSTON, TX – April 06, 2025 – Transform U Media Network announces a powerful new episode of The Transform U! Live Show, featuring faith-based speaker and author Matthew J. Wolak. His book, Loving Your Father Even Though He…, launched alongside the episode, offers men a raw, real guide to healing father-son wounds with grace and grit—a message hitting home in today’s masculinity crisis.

Marcus Hart, the “shameless Jesus preacher” host, digs into Matthew’s journey from a strained childhood with his dad to a reconciled friendship in adulthood. “If men don’t have a resource to feel like an outlet, they’re screwed,” Matthew says (02:40), spotlighting a pain too many bury. His book breaks it down: acknowledge the hurt, prepare with prayer, and discuss with grace. One story stands out—a man Matthew coached called his alcoholic father after 30 years, offering forgiveness despite denial (34:03). “That’s God’s work,” Marcus reflects.

With fatherlessness surging and young men seeking answers, this episode and book drop at a critical time. Matthew’s practical tip? “Gather intel” to breach dad’s defenses (19:52)—a sales-honed tactic now transforming legacies. Listeners can hear it all now and grab the book to start their healing.

About Transform U Media Network:
Transform U Media Network, led by Marcus Hart, delivers faith-driven content for real transformation. From podcasts to newsletters, it’s raw, Jesus-centered wisdom for a world in need. Learn more at marcus-hart.com.

Contact:
Marcus Hart
Transform U Media Network
Email: info@transformumedia.com
Phone: (414) 939-5777

Listen Now:
YouTube: https://youtu.be/DIihC8jnC_w
Spreaker: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/transform-u-matthew-j-wolak

For More:
Marcus Hart: https://www.marcus-hart.com/home
Matthew J. Wolak: https://www.matthewjwolak.com
Newsletter: https://transformuliveshow.substack.com

Transcripts

faith-based speaker and author who's been lighting up stages since 2021 with wisdom on everything from communication to marriage. Sing on this and get this, the healing that can happen between a father and his son. His new book, Loving Your Father, even though he, dot, dot, dot, a guy for man, it's all about acknowledging, preparing for, and tackling those father wounds head on. So let's talk with Matthew. I'm glad he's here.and we're gonna dive in. Marcus Hart (00:01.256) All right, Matthew, let's set the stage here. you've been out there speaking truth into man's lives, body language persuasive speaking marriage, singleness after divorce. And now this powerful focus on father, son, healing. What's your heartbeat behind your journey? And the follow up question behind that, how did you go from all these diverse topics to writing a book that's laser focused on helping man navigate their relationship with your dads?Matthew J. Wolak (00:32.078) that latter part of the question will really help me out in how I answer. In my 22 plus years as a believer, the thing that I noticed was it's incredibly hard for men to share their problems in general. And I took this, I don't know if you ever heard of 33 the Series, it's a six volume set on authentic manhood. And one of them,Marcus Hart (00:36.534) Yeah.Marcus Hart (00:50.09) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (00:59.042) gets down into the grit of both a father wound and a mother wound. And what's wild is they talk about how easy it is for somebody that's a son to deal with it. If it's with mom, they'll pick up a piece of paper, write a letter, make it happen immediately. But when it comes to dad, they may not even pick up the piece of paper and they bury it. And I was thinking to myself, man, if it's that hard already,Marcus Hart (01:18.484) Yes, it's a test room.Matthew J. Wolak (01:28.024) for men in the body of faith to have trouble communicating their problems, then this one's gonna be impossible. And if they don't have some kind of a resource to feel like is an outlet for them, they're screwed. And I was just like, man, I gotta help guys out with this. the other thing that I noticed was,Marcus Hart (01:38.092) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (01:53.601) If I was gonna write a story and help guys out, I needed to be able to provide them hope. And I thought, wow, well, I've got a story I think everybody can relate to if they had issues with their dad as a kid. You I had issues with my dad, didn't feel like he did a great job raising me, didn't really connect with him, didn't give me substantive direction on life, whether it was females or jobs or anything like that. And I didn't really have the direction that I needed.But then as the Lord would have it, he reconciled our relationship in my adult life and our friendship, I would call it, flourished. And that's amazing to me because I didn't see any hope in sight as a kid or a young teenager. It's just the same old drab relationship with dad. I thought, man, if guys have hope, they can do a little bit more. They won't remain as closed.Marcus Hart (02:33.153) Mm-hmm.Matthew J. Wolak (02:54.06) without it, so I thought I could write a story to help him along.Marcus Hart (02:58.867) that's real, know, and I love that. I love how you zeroed in on this. And when you talk about the disconnect we have with our fathers growing up and how hard it is to express ourselves because we see the dad as an authority figure. We see the dad as like the one who's stoic and very hardcore. I know like most of the bloomersthat Bloomer generation, that generation before the Bloomers. My dad, was around the generation right after the Bloomers. And I'm 39 now. And growing up, I had a very difficult time with my dad as well. And then right after that, it wasn't until I went to the military where I saw value in trying to make that connection with him and allow things to...just get better between us. You know, I took that initial approach. And so this is very timely. This book is very much needed. And your book, which is titled, Loving Your Father, even though he, it's got that, you know, that fix. Yeah, that's got that pause to it.Matthew J. Wolak (04:11.928) Dot dot dot.Matthew J. Wolak (04:20.204) And then to that, thanks for sharing a little of your story, man.Matthew J. Wolak (04:28.78) Okay, yeah, you're frozen on my side.Marcus Hart (04:59.616) Okay, so.Matthew J. Wolak (05:03.586) You look unfrozen.Marcus Hart (05:05.698) Yeah, I see that. So it did pick up the recording back up. It recorded right away. So we hear it, man. you know, just, yeah, we're back. So is there a moment in your whole life, though, where you said, I gotta help man through this?Matthew J. Wolak (05:12.47) Alright, we back.Matthew J. Wolak (05:24.878) You know, it evolved over time. Do you mean with this specific topic or in general?Marcus Hart (05:31.882) in general.Matthew J. Wolak (05:33.943) In general, I noticed it in small group settings first and foremost. Whether I was leading the small group study or I was just in the study, always would just notice people, sorry, not people, but men would just sit quiet. what I think it comes down to is men have this perception that they need to be a certain way. And if they don't have permission to open up, they're going to stay closed.Marcus Hart (05:49.592) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (06:04.374) And I thought to myself, man, I just want to start talking and open up about whatever the hard question is just to get the other men in the room rolling. And I just became very intentional about that. did it every time I saw the opportunity. And it was purely just because I know it was hard for them. Now, I have no trouble communicating. I don't know. God bless me with a tongue that just keeps on going.But other people man, they don't they don't have it that easy and and then you know couple that with the fact that they're men and then they just get stuck and and God doesn't want us stuck he wants us to work through our our junk and I just want I just wanted guys to have that opportunity is and I don't know maybe it was like a little mini ministry over the years Just just trying to cater to them to help them out a little bitMarcus Hart (06:32.044) Yeah.Marcus Hart (07:00.238) It's definitely a ministry. The work you're doing is definitely a ministry. And you're attacking the guys who's carrying this stuff around and don't even know where to start to unpack it. And your book, you're talking about acknowledgement. You talk about preparing, you talk about discussing these wounds in a safe space.Wounds are heavy, man, especially father wounds. And we know just from the climbing we in right now, you you got things popping up like the red pill, which the red pill has been around for years, but it's become more popularized in the main culture. And then you have these different campaigns that has popped up, the Me Too movement and all these other things that, you know, that really make it hard for man to justyou know, come out of that shell, you know, so what's the first step of acknowledging what does that look like for you, you know, for a guy who's maybe been avoiding it his whole life?Matthew J. Wolak (08:11.49) That word permission that I mentioned earlier, I think that's what it comes down to. You know, when I'm the guy in the room that opens up to get other guys to open up, it gives them permission. And the permission is take the perception of who we are as men and stop worrying about how we look. And that permission is permission to acknowledge how our father hurt us or permission to admit our weaknesses.Marcus Hart (08:15.79) Mm-hmm.Marcus Hart (08:24.472) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (08:40.43) to be vulnerable. Jesus did a really good job himself of being all those things and more, but we have been taught from a very young age that that's not the way men roll. Men are supposed to be tough. It's all about grit. If you're closed up, you're closed up. You brush it off. You don't acknowledge as you go through the process. But with this one, like you just said, Marcus, it goes so deep.Marcus Hart (08:47.758) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (09:10.05) that some men don't even know it's there, but for the men that do know it's there, it's that much harder because dad is elevated to this superhero status just because he's dad. You mentioned it. You we hold them to this authority and that's a gift. That's what God made fathers to do. And if they falter below that, you know, then there's that wound. But because it's elevated so high, think of it the reverse. If I'm here and this is the level of water,Goes down the water and then down as deep the opposite direction and it makes it that much more impossible for men to touch on it And they don't want to look weak by saying that they they're hurt. You know, it's not a word we love to use as men, know and and Vulnerability is certainly not Acceptable in the culture. It's frowned upon you and you know, we have a few a few outliers out there speakers andMarcus Hart (09:51.214) Right.Matthew J. Wolak (10:09.258) influencers that that teach us the opposite as believers, but we need to hear that because there's nobody telling us it's okay. We need that permission to be able to do it. And if no one ever tells us we've got the permission, then we're just simply not going to do it. We're going to stay stuck even though it's hurting us, even though we know it's impacting our families, even though we know it's impacting our jobs. We're just going to leave it there. But my hope is thatAnd my prayer is that it goes the opposite for y'all.Marcus Hart (10:43.018) I agree, man. as you was talking, one thing that came up for me is I used to always hear, especially when I was in theology school, like the foolishness of the cross. And like, I was like, what is the foolishness of the cross? But like, what it is, like, know, being able to follow, you know, someone like Jesus, as you mentioned, who was humble, who was gentle, who was...Matthew J. Wolak (10:54.658) HahahaMarcus Hart (11:07.982) you know, empathetic and, you know, who didn't mind, you know, showing his weakness and laying his life on the line and, you know, dying for all of us. you know, but everybody was expecting this strong, stoic guy to come and turn over, you know, Israel inside out and redeem Israel by force. But that's just not, that just wasn't the way that Jesus taught.And now we have to learn from that example on how we can still be masculine, man, and at the same time embrace love, for ourselves. And like you said, know, that being able to recognize our brother who may be struggling to be the one to raise their hand and say, you know what? You know, I was bullied as a kid. was beat by my dad. You know, my dad beat me.You know, he was abusive towards me and, you know, and this hurt me, this affect me this way, this way, this way. And that's where it's at, man. You know, it's so simple. We're simple creatures as man. And you, is that what's powerful in the work you're doing? And I can feel the weight of that already, you know. So once a man has faced it, acknowledged it, what's next for them?Matthew J. Wolak (12:31.918) Well, if I could rewind just a second before I answer that question and share a scripture, I don't have a memory, so I'll read it, but it's from John 11, 32 through 36. You'll probably recognize the story, but it says, now when Mary came to where Jesus was in Psalm, she fell at his feet saying, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved. Check that out, deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled.Marcus Hart (12:40.312) Mm-hmm.Matthew J. Wolak (13:00.812) another one, greatly troubled. And he said, wherever you laid him, they said to him, Lord, come and see. It says Jesus wept, period. Then it says, so the Jews said, see how he loved him. And they only knew that he loved him because of the fact that he wept and the fact that he was allowing himself to feel. And, you know, to say you're deeply moved is a serious thing. And to say you're greatly troubled is a serious thing. But you talked a little bit about it. IfMarcus Hart (13:21.24) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (13:30.062) If that guy like you said raises the hand says This is this is what i'm dealing with. This is what happened to me The interesting thing is we have it in our minds to believe that that's going to get rejected But in the christian faith what we find is the opposite me and you are brothers in christ You tell me that man. I want to come alongside you and help you along i'm not i'm not going to be like marcus What's your problem bro? And try to shove you off to the sideMarcus Hart (13:42.286) Mm-hmm.Marcus Hart (13:47.085) Yeah.Marcus Hart (13:53.006) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (13:54.841) That's not how we roll. that's the interesting thing. It's a misperception. We've almost made it up in our minds and we come to this expectation because of what we're taught. And it's just not the love of Jesus. And now what he teaches us in his word, you know, there's just countless, countless examples of what he does in the word to speak to the opposite. We need more word, More word. But to answer your question at the other part when you mentionedMarcus Hart (14:19.214) It's true. It's true.Matthew J. Wolak (14:25.814) once you get to acknowledge what happens next. Well, first let me say you get to that spot. It's a great day. Once you know what it is and you can identify it you can say, this is what happened with my dad. It can be succinctly. know, you just like you said, I got beaten up as a kid. I got bullied as a kid. That's what happened to me. It doesn't have to be complex. Once you say that, now all of a sudden you open the door to let yourself feel like we talked about, but.Marcus Hart (14:33.715) Yeah.Marcus Hart (14:40.226) Right.Matthew J. Wolak (14:54.658) You're also in a position now that you understand it for yourself to start to pursue your dad. And that's the important part because holding onto it's not going to do any of us any good. And the relationship with dad is not going to get any better if we just hold it to ourselves. We have to start preparing for a conversation with our dad, for those of us who have our dads that are still with us. Now, just to speak quickly to the folks that whose dads have passed thatprocess isn't any different working through that acknowledgement. It's just now you're going to deal with it with the body of Christ in the community as well as your heavenly father to work through it. You may not be able to speak to your dad here because he's gone. But if he is here, we've got to start this process where we go after the conversation, understanding that it's a pretty serious thing to endeavor after this conversation. You know, it's likeMarcus Hart (15:52.225) this.Matthew J. Wolak (15:54.031) If we're going approach our dad, it's a significant thing. And if there's anything that I've found in my walk of faith is we really need to submit these kind of decisions to God first. there's always prayer. Prayer is one of the simplest things we can do at any time during the day. can say anything we want to the Lord, just, hey, I need help here. Can you guide me here? I need some direction. And he's there to honor that.Marcus Hart (16:09.646) Right.Matthew J. Wolak (16:23.288) What I find that's difficult is when we're making a decision, I don't know if you've ever identified this with this Marcus, but you know, we're moved one way or the other, sometimes by our emotions or even our physiology. I joke, even what we eat sometimes impacts how we feel and we might make a decision off of that. And if that's the case, to discern wisely, I think we really have to first ask God, Hey, is this okay with you? And thenMarcus Hart (16:36.63) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (16:51.288) bring it before his throne to make sure we got that answer right. And how I suggest doing that, or how I recommend doing that is getting into scripture. Let's say you've got a decision to make, it's three weeks away.Marcus Hart (17:04.462) Mm-hmm.Matthew J. Wolak (17:05.762) I say, all right, Lord, this is a big decision I'm trying to make. I'm to spend time in your word for a half hour every other day for three weeks straight. And I'm doing that seeking for your wisdom. I'm feeling like this is the right way to go, but I'm going to use your word to help guide me even further. And what I've found is I either know yes or no on what I'm asking to go forward on or not. Or if I don't, if I can't discern either way, know as I've grown, I've just learned.It's my call to make and God's not going to be upset with me if I make a call. And once we've got that, now we can go to God and say, all right, I want to talk to my pops.Is it cool to do this thing right now? And God might have laid on your heart, yeah, right now is excellent, let's do this. Or you might say, no, and you're discerning, feeling like that's not the right way to go right now. let's say the ground is fertile for that conversation three years from now, and God's got it all lined up, but he wants you to know, hey man, I want you to pray, discern, include others as you go towards this.Marcus Hart (18:11.182) Hmm.Matthew J. Wolak (18:17.678) maybe down the line in a few years, is a better fit for y'all to strengthen your relationship. We don't know the answer. All of us are praying, asking for this answer, for this wisdom, but he's gonna give it to us and we just need to be ready for that because it's not always healthy. Let's say we had a violent dad. Does it make sense to get in the same room and start talking about how you didn't think he was a good dad? You know, might get, I'm not laughing at this scenario, but.Marcus Hart (18:35.778) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (18:47.362) Probably not, because he might get violent all over again if he doesn't know Jesus and didn't change his life or anything since you know him as a kid. So we've got to be wise and discerning and make sure that we're letting God take the wheel. You know what mean? Because we want to. We've gotten this far. Now we're ready to burst with it. But I want to do it in the right way.Marcus Hart (18:54.882) Yeah.Marcus Hart (19:12.654) That's a big one, man, you know, and I love that we discuss discussing this and for a lot of my listeners, they may be thinking, you know, and I already know how to do this because I took this took the approach, you know, I have to look at your book. I was like, man, this is this is like the whole thing I was going through for long time. I can't get through it. But, you know, there's a lot of my listeners like, you know, Marcus, I can barely get my dad to talk about the weather, let alone this.Matthew J. Wolak (19:33.09) Thanks.Matthew J. Wolak (19:40.526) Yes, sir.Marcus Hart (19:42.575) So what's one practical tip you give a guy to open that door with his father even if it feels awkward or scary?Matthew J. Wolak (19:52.601) Hmm. Appreciate that question a lot. It's an important one. My background, Marcus, is in sales. I spent 15 plus years in the marketplace selling. And if there's one thing I learned along the way that was very important was gathering intel. And that intel was knowing who I'm calling, but also knowing who I'm calling a bit about their company, their competitors.Marcus Hart (20:11.084) Mm-hmm.Marcus Hart (20:16.194) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (20:21.89) what they might be suffering through or going through as a business, where they might need help. All of that work before I make the first phone call needs to be intact. And the reason is because if I come in with that intel, I'm set up to have a better conversation to start. And with dad, dads can be difficult, man. They're not easy, but are they difficult with everybody? You know what I mean? Are they difficult with mom?Marcus Hart (20:33.357) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (20:50.594) Are they difficult with the guy they talk shop with? Is there a guy who goes to the gym with or works on cars with? What about the guy you see him with all the time at work or someone that you can see they communicate openly and freely? Now what's wild is each one of those people, whoever they are, doesn't have to be any single one of those. It could be a combination of them. They can give you intel on how to approach your dad. And I call that getting through your dad's defensive line.Marcus Hart (21:04.248) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (21:20.578) And it's important because your dad just wants to go boom, wall. Think of it, if I come in the door swinging, dad, here's what I want have a conversation with you because I want to tell you how you failed as a dad. You know, how I don't think you were a good dad. You do that. The door is shut, boom, close. You're not getting in that. And if you try to approach it again, you probably won't get a second chance.Marcus Hart (21:20.91) Mm-hmm.Matthew J. Wolak (21:49.867) And what I found is that's no different from my sales background. If I'm calling a vice president and I don't come in ready for that call and I don't understand that every word is critical, he's not going to give me another shot or she's not going to give me another shot. I can try keep calling back. I'm just going to be an annoyance. They're never going to pick up the phone. if I do get them on the phone, didn't I talk to you last week? I'm not interested. You know, they, they shut you out for good reason. Cause you're not prepared. You're not ready. And.Marcus Hart (21:53.998) Mm-hmm.Marcus Hart (22:17.389) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (22:19.072) It's humbling to have to go ask questions and figure it out. what if your dad's right hand man, we'll call him the closest guy in his life, what if that guy was willing to join you in going to initiate the conversation with your dad? What if you talked to him separately and said, hey, I want to approach my dad on this topic. Can you give me a few ideas on approach? And you know what, better yet, would you mind joining me to kick that off?Marcus Hart (22:35.981) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (22:47.512) And let's say that person agrees and says, yeah, I'll help you out. I think your dad needs to talk to you about this stuff. You know, if you've got a strained relationship, I want it better for you guys and helps you along. It's like an introduction, you know? And you get introducing it with somebody that makes him, he's got a comfort level with that person that he wouldn't have with others. So I want to encourage y'all. There's a lot of ways. It's not impossible.Marcus Hart (23:00.108) Yeah, it is.Hmm.Marcus Hart (23:11.064) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (23:16.556) God can even give you the way.Marcus Hart (23:18.894) youMatthew J. Wolak (23:20.139) Quick a quick story if you don't the when when my dad passed My brother and I were the sole recipients of everything in his willMarcus Hart (23:23.086) .Marcus Hart (23:29.901) youMatthew J. Wolak (23:30.758) and he had a car and I needed a car. And my selfish mentality was that car should be mine. My brother's got a car, he's good. But I know my brother. My brother is a negotiator, he's a businessman, he's got a background in sales, he's a smart dude. And if I were to come in with that attitude to my brother, asking him about the car, that wouldn't go well. You know, like my brother would say,Marcus Hart (23:45.08) ThankMatthew J. Wolak (24:00.343) Let's sell the car and let's split the proceeds and we're good to go. It'd be a simple conversation. But when I went to the Lord on it, I said, Lord, can you help me with this? I would, I would like this car. Can you give me some wisdom on this? And the thing I felt like I should do was simply ask my brother. And I, and I got on the phone and I talked to my brother and I said, would it be all right if I had dad's car? And there was a pause, I think for a moment. And he goes,You know what? Yeah, you can have the car. You need a car. You know, he didn't worry about any money that he could have made. He could have made money. mean, it's thousands of dollars when it comes to a car, you know? And out of my pride, you know, there was money owed on the car. And I'm like, man, well, if you, if I'm going to pay it off anyway, you know, like my attitude was just not good. But that question, asking him that question was the right way and approach that got through to him.Marcus Hart (24:36.354) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (24:58.796) And that guy in his life or your mom that knows the thing that's always failed her that she learned along the way does work. You want that intel. You know what mean? Because you want to get through to your dad if you can win that conversation, That conversation is going to be blessed because you're even allowed to have it. Just having it. You know?Marcus Hart (24:58.893) Yeah.Marcus Hart (25:06.382) Yeah.Marcus Hart (25:17.902) And that goes back to like, you what I was talking about earlier, like how guys are simple. Sometimes we don't need a whole, you know, script or anything to really just like have these exchanges with each other and get things accomplished. know, sometimes it's just a head nod or something. like, yeah, that's funny though. Like it's funny and that's Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's pure gold.Matthew J. Wolak (25:24.812) HahahaMatthew J. Wolak (25:37.731) Yep, yep. It's crazy, we know what each other's saying, we don't even say a word. You know? It's like, you walk into a room, you got this ice glare between two people, but when you nod, the other person nods, it's understood that is respect. But if you were mean mugging and you kept that intense glare, then that person, what's happening inside them? They're starting to rise up. So like, what? You wanna fight me or something? You know, like aMarcus Hart (25:57.472) Is that?Matthew J. Wolak (26:06.542) The whole thing is different, simple not like what up? Then you get that mutual respect in one second one secondMarcus Hart (26:14.922) Right. Yeah. Yeah. we, everybody's on an equal playing field after that, you know, that competitor, because the competitive spirit has like brought down a level. So that is pure gold. I love it. And I can see how, you know, this could shift like legacies. And I got to actually, man, you know, because faith plays a big role in your work, you know, how does like leaning on, well, you kind of asked for that, you know, I don't know what you want to.Matthew J. Wolak (26:20.045) Yep, yep.Matthew J. Wolak (26:24.054) Yes. Yes.Matthew J. Wolak (26:33.42) Mm. That's encouraging to me.Marcus Hart (26:44.706) you know what? Here we go. You know, this is I'm going to frame it. I'm not going to frame it the way I was going to frame it initially. Like, so, you know, we know that dads have imperfections, man. And then some of these imperfections kind of rubbed off on us, or we had the bill of our own unique imperfections, you know. So how do we use that, you know, to deal with like, those who are wrestling, you know, with dads' imperfections, like, you know, toknow, help along with the healing process.Matthew J. Wolak (27:18.494) Man the first the first thing that comes to mind when you say that is applying grace and You know, my gosh We used to my wife and I used to volunteer for Big Brothers Big Sisters if you know the program And we had what's called a little We started out with him when he was a nine-year-old boy and it was this this big fishingMarcus Hart (27:35.0) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (27:44.875) event that was happening. There was kids and their dads and moms fishing. There tons of them. You know, like a hundred hundred different families around this pond all fishing and it was just there to help the kids learn how to fish, have some entertainment, catching fish. And we walked up to the pond and and you know, he had the rod in his hand and I'm standing there looking at him expecting him to to make this happen.you know, figure it out with the rod, start casting, man, like this, go do it. And it was the same way my dad almost would stand there with me, where I'd be like, dad, teach me, man, teach me. And I just longed for that. don't know that I could have articulated it back then, but I knew that I wanted my dad to, my dad used to shoot bow. I was like, I would want to be like, dad, let me shoot bow, give me a bow. But it was always this weird,Marcus Hart (28:16.141) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (28:44.238) standing there like not helping. And so I stood there not helping. My wife said, are you gonna help? And what's even crazier is there's this guy standing right next to me he's got this little girl, she's, man, she had been five. And he was just gracious beyond words. He was so kind to her. He goes, here's how you do it, here's how you put it together. We're gonna get this thing going. And I'm thinking, I'm witnessing this example and I'm still not doing.this example that's sitting right in front of me. And because of that, we just have to understand, man, in our frailty, we're all broken. And what's crazy is, you know, there's these wonderful scriptures like Hebrews 416 says, let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. And when you hear the segments of that sentence,Marcus Hart (29:14.402) Mm-hmm.Marcus Hart (29:23.064) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (29:41.871) draw near to the throne of grace first off, then we that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need, to find help in time of need. There's this God that we serve that wants to help us, gives us his word to see he's gonna help us, but we get to draw near to the throne of grace with our sin even. You we get to go to the throne and say, yo Lord, I messed up.Marcus Hart (29:45.623) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (30:12.618) And he says, let us then with confidence draw near to that throne of grace that we may receive mercy. You know, and think of it, man, in my life, whenever I've gotten mercy, you know, let's let's let's just even say like a simple example. I go to a store that doesn't do returns without receipts. I don't have that receipt. You know, their job is to say, nope, I'm not doing this return. But when they give me that grace and they give me that mercy and they return it anyway, man, thatMarcus Hart (30:13.73) Yeah.Marcus Hart (30:32.91) Yeah, yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (30:42.19) 25 dollars even though it's 25 dollars that I got back I get the 25 dollars back I'm even that much more blessed because it's not something they're supposed to do You know like we don't deserve this But God does it anyway, so we have to think of our dads as human beings just like us and in matter of fact as I'm thinking about right now When we apply grace, what does it do to the other person? It melts the other personMarcus Hart (30:49.486) youMarcus Hart (31:11.32) Yes.Matthew J. Wolak (31:11.406) You know, it makes them, it takes all the anger, all the frustration, all that out. You know, say, you know, if you were to approach your dad, say, dad, you know what?Marcus Hart (31:17.229) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (31:22.914) I saw how you worked all the time to provide for us. You put food on the table, we had clothes, we had a place to stay. You know, that was amazing. Now you start with that before the fact that he was maybe emotionally detached at home. You know, what's the possibility there? It's a greater possibility that that might melt dad there, standing there going, hmm. It might lower that defensive line and give you more of an open door.Marcus Hart (31:39.416) Mm-hmm.Matthew J. Wolak (31:52.495) I do man, when people give me grace and they talk to me softly, even if I'm trapped in my sin and they come to me like that, that makes me almost admit it even that much easier.Marcus Hart (32:01.091) Yeah.Marcus Hart (32:08.758) I like that. I really love that man. you know, just really appreciating the humanity of people because you yourself know that you have fallen short and giving people that their flowers, you know, at the same time, but being able to like, you know, kind of guide them towards like, you know, hey, you know, this is this where you this where you were, you know, kind of feel that and.You know, it affected me this way, but it doesn't take away from the fact that I love you. You know, and that's powerful. So, you know, man, I'm glad to invite you back, man. We got to do a part two with something like this because this is an incredible conversation. And I know this is going to change a lot of man lives. This is well needed. There's a lot of young men who use this information.Matthew J. Wolak (32:41.794) Dan right there man, there you go. Yeah.Part two.Marcus Hart (33:04.206) Um right now, you know, we we're living in a very crazy time right now And it's very difficult for a lot of a lot of young men. Um I mean and it's across every racial line, know, it's not just one race or the other like a young man right now are in a dire situation and um, a lot of them are fatherless a lot of them godfathers and you know and And then then the ones who have already gotten to the age, you know where we at andand beyond, know, they can use that recalculation to, you know, they can use that killing. And if we get more people to become aware it is and be vicious with this, like, you know, and I would do all I can push you forward to be the one. Man, we can see a lot of changes. I can see this really changing a lot of people because there's a lot of a lot of influencers who have tried and.Matthew J. Wolak (33:51.788) Yeah, yeah.Marcus Hart (34:02.766) They don't do it this way. They don't do it this way. They try to minimize Jesus or they got their own spin on how Jesus is and you know, and use it that way. I mean, even Jordan Peterson, you he as great as he is, there's a lot of things I disagree with him about. So just to wrap things up and, you know, and to like, you know, tie it back to the book even, you know, loving your father, even though he, da da da.It's a guide. And what's one takeaway you hope every reader walks away with after they have worked through their process?Matthew J. Wolak (34:41.998) Just to hang on to hope, there's this scripture in Romans 8, 24 through 25, says, hope that is seen is not hope for who hopes for what he sees. But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. And Paul's talking about end times hope, know, like we don't, the groaning that we do on this earth for whatever ailments we have or issues we have, even with our dad, you know, we...Marcus Hart (34:45.634) Mm-hmm.Matthew J. Wolak (35:11.852) It's not going to be pretty all our lives. We can only anticipate going to heaven and living off that hope that when we get there, we don't suffer anymore. Well, that's not too different from the suffering that we have with our dad. the hope is still possible that things can change. And I'll say this, there was one guy that I worked with.Marcus Hart (35:24.258) Yeah.Marcus Hart (35:36.046) Hmm.Matthew J. Wolak (35:40.161) one-on-one and he did, he said, man, I just want to process through this thing for the first time. And I remember the first meeting we had, we sat there for about an hour and a half and he shared his story and it was so freeing to him. But what was amazing is that it prompted him to go call his dad for the first time in over 30 years. He went and talked to his dad. His dad took the call. His dad was in denial.Marcus Hart (36:04.845) Wow.Matthew J. Wolak (36:09.014) about what had happened and this particular gentleman, his dad was an alcoholic and beat him, beat his mom, beat his sisters. His dad was in denial of that, but he literally said to him, you know what dad, I don't hold anything of this against you. You know, and I was just, I was taking it back going, man, like you're not holding onto any of that. And that's something that only God can do, man. So there's,there's this healing in the process that you'll get despite the reaction of your dad or the rejection of your dad or a conversation that doesn't go well. You there's a lot of things that can go wrong, but that doesn't mean they will. And even if they don't go great, God's still gonna do a work in your life, man. You're gonna heal.Marcus Hart (36:38.402) Yeah.Marcus Hart (37:01.934) Wow, Matthew, you know, this has been a ride, man. I'm sitting here thinking about how many men are going to hear this and feel seen. You're gonna be more equipped now, maybe even hopeful for the first time in a while. So before we wrap this up, tell us where our Transform You family can connect with you and grab a copy of Loving Your Father, even though, dot, dot, dot, you know, and maybe even events or any other projects you got coming up that we should know about also.Matthew J. Wolak (37:26.124) Hahaha.Matthew J. Wolak (37:32.97) Thanks, Marcus. Matthewjwolak.com is where you can find all of that, with the exception of future dates at this point. Just more about the ministry, more about the book. The links are there to get the book. There's the way to contact me, whether it's email or phone. And would love for you to join in on the ministry. People have been getting my name misspelled my whole life.Marcus Hart (37:37.624) Yeah.Matthew J. Wolak (38:02.67) You can see it on the screen, but I'm going to say it for the people that are just listening to. MatthewJWulllake.com is M-A-T-T-H-E-W-J, and here's where everything goes wrong. W-O-L-A-K.com, and you'll be able to find everything there.Marcus Hart (38:03.469) I'mYeah.Marcus Hart (38:18.36) Yeah.Marcus Hart (38:22.296) When you have it folks, know, Matthew J. Willock, have, you know, we sure we have those links in the episode description. You'll see that in a lot of the literature that we put out every week and through our newsletter. He's a drop in wisdom that can change the game for you and your relationship with your dad. So go check out his book. It's called Loving Your Father, Even Though He... A Guy for Man and Let It Be a Tool to Start the Healing Journey. If this episode hits you, drop us with a...comment, share it with a brother who needs it, and hit that subscribe button so you don't miss out on what's next with the Transform U Live show. Matthew, once again, thanks for being real with us today. Blessing us. And what's more, blessings to you and your family, man. And so until next time, Transform U family, our family out there, keep growing, keep seeking, and keep transforming. Many blessings, peace, and lots of love. We are out.Matthew J. Wolak (39:08.814) Thank you."