From Ashes to Anchors: A Faith-Driven Journey Through Wildfire Trauma

 "Sometimes God's greatest miracles arise from our deepest valleys…"

In a world where trauma often feels like an overwhelming wildfire, Transform U Media Network's latest episode of "The Transform U! Live Show" stands as a beacon of hope and divine restoration. Host Marcus Hart, whose ministry has touched countless lives through faith-centered transformation, welcomes Kristen Moeller, a survivor whose story echoes the biblical promise that beauty truly does rise from ashes (Isaiah 61:3).

When Faith Meets Fire

Picture this: A cozy mountain home reduced to cinders, yet within those ashes, God plants seeds of purpose. Kristen Moeller's journey through the 2012 Lower North Fork Fire isn't just another survival story—it's a testament to how the Lord works in mysterious ways, even through our darkest hours.

"Y'all, sometimes we're called to walk through fire, not around it," shares Marcus Hart, whose authentic Southern charm brings warmth to even the most challenging conversations. "Kristen's story ain't just about losing a house—it's about finding God's purpose in the pain."

RESOURCE TOOL (Kristen's book) - Phoenix Rising: Stories of Remarkable Women Walking Through Fire

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Transform U Roasted Blend Coffee only for $26 Mention the code TRANSFORMU by making a comment on the episode and get a free bag!

Divine Restoration Through Community

The episode weaves together professional insight with raw, human experience, demonstrating how community becomes God's hands and feet during times of crisis. Kristen's vulnerability in sharing her journey reflects Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: "Two are better than one… if either of them falls down, one can help the other up."

Healing Hearts, Building Hope

Listen, y'all (as Marcus would say), this ain't your typical interview. Between moments of Spirit-led wisdom, you'll find:

• Practical strategies for navigating grief through a biblical lens
• Real talk about trauma (because Jesus never sugar-coated the hard stuff)
• Stories that'll make you laugh, cry, and praise God all at once

About Transform U Media Network

Founded on the principle that transformation happens through Christ-centered community, Marcus Hart's platform continues to be a lighthouse for those seeking authentic, faith-based growth. Whether you're dealing with wildfire aftermath or life's daily struggles, we're here to remind you that God's got this (Philippians 4:13).

Your Invitation to Transform

Join us for this powerful episode where faith meets real life, and trauma meets triumph. As Marcus often reminds us, "We're all just broken people helping broken people find wholeness in Christ."

The episode premieres on 11 February 2025 at 4pm CST across all major podcast platforms. For those seeking additional resources or prayer support, please visit Book a call with Marcus or his team.

Audio version is available now here: Listen on Spreaker Now!

Contact: 

Marcus Hart 

Transform U Media Network 

414-837-1223  

mhart@transformumedia.com

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

[Press photos and additional resources available upon request]

Social Media: 

Follow Marcus Hart's daily inspiration: TikTok: @marcushart_official 

Website: www.transformumedia.com

Transcripts:

Marcus Hart (00:01)

World Transformers, I want you to join us today as we transform tragedy into triumph with the incredible Christian Moeller. Today's guest isn't just any ordinary speaker. She's walked through literal fire. As a former therapist and wildfire survivor, Christian knows a bit about losing the fundamentals and finding something greater. Her riveting account of surviving the 2012 Lord Norfolk fire begins a journey of healing sprinkled with

insights, little bit laughter and heart. If life ever handed out free reset buttons, Christian might just teach us how to push them with purpose.

So without further ado, we have Christian with us. And please, for the sake of me not looking like an idiot, pronounce your last name for us.

Kristen (01:13)

Okay, well it's it's Kristen and then Molar, like the tooth. Kristen.

Marcus Hart (01:17)

more or less. I did get it.

I was quite there, wasn't I? Yeah, it's my Midwest twang. Yeah, it's definitely my Midwest twang.

Kristen (01:22)

You were, you were, you were almost there. We were almost there. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you, Marcus. yeah, that's right. Marcus,

thank you for having me.

Marcus Hart (01:34)

yeah, it's a pleasure to have you, know, and as we were saying on the other side, this is a very timely topic, all that's been going on in California, you've been there, you've walked it and you can talk it. You know, so there's more to surviving the wildfire than like buying marshmallow stocks and all that. It's a delicate dance of grief and grounding. you know, I want you to just, you know, take us through some transformative tools today, you know, and guide our souls.

into this, how to get out of this drag, you know? So I guess my first question would be, you know, just maybe take us into your story and maybe give us some introspective.

Kristen (02:13)

Yeah, so the book that we're talking about is called Phoenix Rising, Stories of Remarkable Women Walking Through Fire, because as you talk about on the show, community is so important when you're faced with something like, well, any kind of trauma, as we know. And, you know, thinking about the people in California right now, there's so many of them.

that community could feel just completely overwhelming because you could be a number among thousands and thousands of people. In my fire, we were a small mountain community and there were, as far as fires go, it was small. It was, I think, 7,000 acres and 21 homes, but three people died. for the size of the fire and for it only being

21 homes for three people to die is pretty substantial. But we really, came together in community and, you know, that was one of the things that was just to not have to be alone in it because it is, you know, I think when you're going through some of the loss of a home, it's kind of, there's, there are a whole bunch of layers to it because the, you know, when, when you lose a person or a pet,

Marcus Hart (03:06)

Yeah.

Kristen (03:28)

you know, there are resources, are kind of their books about those types of things, but people don't really know what to do when you lose a thing, you know, and they kind of, some people kind of treat it like losing a thing. Whereas for most people, it's a, it's a major loss. It's a before and after, you know, it's a mark in the line in the sand that, changes everything. And that's how it was for us, you know, before the fire and after the fire. it's like,

Marcus Hart (03:37)

Yeah.

Kristen (03:55)

you know, for the world before COVID and after COVID. You know, we have these things that are before and after. Yeah, so.

Marcus Hart (03:59)

Alright.

the thing about it is, know, don't really, sometimes they don't realize that, you know, that there's trauma involved with this. And your journey through trauma, you know, there were some practical strategies that maybe surprised even you on how you were effective, that helped you maintain emotional stability. You know, maybe what were some of those practical strategies?

Kristen (04:11)

Right.

Well, you know, it's interesting to say I listened to your interview with, is it Tia? That was talking about the 2-2, the veterans organization. I think it was, yes. And that was such an amazing interview. just want to, both of you were so inspiring and I really appreciate that. And I actually went and made a donation to that veterans organization after hearing your interview.

Marcus Hart (04:33)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah.

Kristen (04:52)

And she was just amazing. when you talk about trauma and you talk about PTSD, I think a lot of people think military first responders, they don't think, you know, the general population, don't think maybe they don't even think losing a home, but it is, you know, it is a traumatic event. Even if, I happened to be there as the fire was coming up the hill. And so it kind of made a,

you know, it wasn't burning down exactly behind me, but it probably burned within the next 30 minutes, if that, I probably more like 20 minutes after I left. And it was, you know, so it definitely, it caused trauma, you know, it really did. And so I think, you know how it is, like when you're in it, you're not thinking, I have all these tools, you know, you just kind of.

do what's in front of you, you know? And so, I mean, I had the background as a therapist and having been through other things in my life. But what I initially did was I wrote. I just started blogging and I just wrote a lot. Your door's opening. Someone's coming in.

Marcus Hart (05:58)

Yeah. Yes, it's... Yeah.

Kristen (06:03)

So, that was really just having that practice every morning, getting up, making my coffee, sitting down on the couch and writing and just saying whatever I needed to say and not worrying about how it sounded just, then putting it out on a block where then I had people responding. I had other fire survivors from, from earlier fires. had, you know, friends responding and just that.

being heard and having people thank me for sharing and thank me for helping them understand what it was like to go through that. You know, that was my biggest tool and allowing myself to be in grief, you know, just allowing myself to be where I was was really, really important because, you know, I think that's something we do too, is we think, you know, as a society, we think we should be further along.

And as individuals, we can buy into that and think, shouldn't I be over it by now? And I really, it kind of naturally became a year, not that a grief process should stick to just a year, but it was for me a solid year of just doing that writing practice. So that was one of the, I think in the main, and I think you, maybe in your email to me, you talked about.

comedy. I actually did a stand-up comedy routine during this period of time. I had a dear friend, name is Christina Hall, and she teaches people to do stand-up. She's a very brilliant comedian. And I needed that, you know, was like that edgy humor, you know, the edginess and needing to not make light of it as in diminishing it, but just

play with the edges of it and kind of the crazy things that people say to you. When we were sifting through the ashes on one of the first times, I think most people do tend to sift through their ashes just to see what you can find and it's amazing. I mean, it's all artifacts. Usually nothing keeps its form. But we had heard a story, my husband had gone for a business trip.

Marcus Hart (07:50)

Yeah.

Kristen (08:09)

And we'd heard a story about someone finding a wedding ring that they had left behind. he had, by accident, left his in the bathroom. And so we were looking for that. And we never found it, but it had us just sift through the ashes. And we had a bunch of friends helping, and we had it all kind of set up and, you know, dust masks and screens with, so we could drop the, you know, the ashes through. And a friend showed up, someone who I didn't know that well.

Marcus Hart (08:14)

No.

Kristen (08:36)

I was standing there talking to him and another person and here's this, you know, destruction behind us. And he said, he said, it must be so freeing not to have any stuff. And I just thought, you know, I mean, really? That's what you look at this, this burned out. Not the time, not the time. No.

Marcus Hart (08:50)

Yeah, good time to say that, Wow. Yeah, yeah.

Kristen (08:57)

So yeah.

Marcus Hart (08:58)

Wow. Yeah.

Marcus Hart (09:01)

Wow, know, Christian, what you have just shared with us is truly remarkable. like the biggest thing that stood out from what you just, you know, opened it to us and it was vulnerable. What it's about is the fact that like people expect you to like just get over it. And a lot of times it's trauma that's kind of like stuff in the closet, just like we saw my closet opening by my cat, you know, you know, but in all serious thing, you know, we sometimes we need an emotional compass to guide us through.

Kristen (09:22)

We'll you.

Marcus Hart (09:29)

our trauma and how others might recognize their own. know, what would people want to like use for their emotional compass to recognize that they have.

Kristen (09:40)

that they have trauma.

Marcus Hart (09:43)

Yeah.

Kristen (09:43)

Yeah, you guys, you know, that's such a good question. And referring back to Tia, your interview with her again, she said something really great about the layers of trauma. And I forget how she said it exactly, but how it can get more confusing over time if their particular traumas are not dealt with. And, you know, I think it's for me personally, it was another layer. And I knew to deal with the fire.

Marcus Hart (09:49)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Kristen (10:08)

but there was still underlying trauma that I hadn't yet dealt with. even though I've been doing work for many, many years, there was just some underlying things that I hadn't yet dealt with that, kind of came to the surface later. So I think, you know, it can become this cesspool of, of traumas and you sometimes don't even know what is, what is what and what you're reacting to. And, know, I think with the fire, was because it was, I was super clear of.

how much our home meant to me, to us, my husband and myself. It was a place that was, it was a sanctuary. It was magical little cabin on the side of a mountain. And it was just kind of, it was our dream home. So I was really clear of how much it meant to me and what that loss was. And I think did a really good job of honoring that. But we're not always,

Marcus Hart (10:47)

you

Kristen (10:59)

gifted with the ability to see clearly what's what, you know? And I think later on, I had a kind of a mental health crisis a few years ago that was the accumulation of many years of things, some things that were out of my, some early childhood trauma that was out of my, I actually did not even realize it. And I never, because I was a therapist and I worked in that field,

Marcus Hart (11:05)

Right.

Kristen (11:29)

for a bit, I was sure that I didn't have that particular type of early childhood trauma. But then it showed up, it started showing up in ways kind of probably when I was ready for it, I guess, you know, it's very odd how it can do that. But I think, you know, so they're just, you know, it can be a lonely ride with trauma and...

Marcus Hart (11:42)

Yeah, it is.

Kristen (11:51)

And again, I think, you you all were talking, you and Tia were talking about, sorry to keep referencing that show, but I just thought it was so great. You were referencing, you know, wanting the, civilians to understand that there's not as much help as we might think there is for veterans. And, you know, and I think for civilians to...

Marcus Hart (11:57)

That's fine.

Kristen (12:13)

It's, there's still like, it's such, it's so much talked about so much more these days, trauma, but I think there is still this, well, I didn't experience combat. didn't, I'm not a police officer who experienced this. So I don't have a right to say PTSD or, you know, and then there's the other extreme where the word trauma can just be overused for every day. Little, stubbed my toe and chipped my.

brand new pedicure, I'm traumatized, you know, like it can be overused like that, you know? And so it's an interesting arena, you know, and I think we're getting better as a society to recognize it, but we're also kind of in this weird, know, it's, you know, a buzzword, but too much of a buzzword, but I know that, you know, when I went through my experience a few years ago, I was not...

Wanting to talk about it. You know, I was not wanting to To just put it out there, you know It was a very select group of people that knew what I was experiencing because it was you know, the fire was It was easier and and for me I was it was easy for me to put myself out there with that because it was so Latent, you know and I had pictures to prove it and I you know, I had the impact but

Three years ago, it was not that. It was something that felt more dark and murky and I wanted to keep hidden and there was a lot of shame around it. So it's been interesting to experience these various types of trauma and the ways I respond and the ways I'm afraid people will respond. even being someone with all my tools to find myself in that place was quite something.

Marcus Hart (14:00)

You

isn't it like, you're speaking my language right now. like, I mean, after talking with so many different therapists and so many people who are our first in this or got the life experience, like, in addition to like, you know, having the education, you know, background, such as yourself is, it's remarkable because like people don't realize it's just like the colors of the rainbow, right?

Kristen (14:06)

Yeah.

Marcus Hart (14:28)

It's a rainbow, but there's different colors inside of the rainbow that makes up this rainbow. And such is true with trauma. There's different layers, there's different colors and all ways that it may appear or may not appear. And before you know it, it's like, okay, I've been ignoring this thing for this long and now...

Am I placing myself in a certain category of people or not? And I think with the way society has painted mental health and trauma, and like you said, sensationalizing it, it's now like cloud chasing when you like mention it. yeah, I can identify with that, but can you really identify with it?

I think what really kind of helped you if you correct me if you're wrong is, you know, meeting Christian Hall, you know, and by the way, shout out to Christian Hall. She's phenomenal. know, I have not yet to personally meet her or, you know, experience her, but like she's phenomenal for what she does. And I remember having a year of Comedy Stand Up myself and that was really, you know, a big part of my healing journey, you know, so.

Kristen (15:27)

Yes.

Marcus Hart (15:36)

Seeing that it's played a huge role in your recovery, why is it essential to find light in dark times using comedy?

Kristen (15:46)

Gosh, I mean, I think it's crucial and I don't always remember. So let's be super clear. When I was this mental health crisis I was referring to, I could not find humor. I could not find space. But I think it is, I've been in 12 step programs for a long time. And I think there is so much humor in those rooms. And we laugh at the most bizarre things that if someone was overhearing, you tell this,

Marcus Hart (15:52)

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (16:15)

horrible war story of addiction and people laugh with recognition. I think that having a, I think my spirit is naturally kind of lighter, which I think has really saved my life throughout the years. And then that tendency towards wanting to laugh and wanting to, sometimes, mean, that shared laughter is one thing, that shared laughter is community.

You know, that is, hey, I hear you, I get it, I've been there, you know, it looked that ugly for me too, so I can only just laugh with you, you know. There's that community and feeling not alone. And I think it's some perspective, you know, putting it in perspective, being able to have a little separation and putting it in perspective because it can just feel, it can just consume us otherwise, you know. In my writing,

You know, initially in my writing, I mean, probably there wasn't much that was funny in my writing for that year, except for what I was doing for that comedy course. But in my writing now, I kind of know that I'm getting to somewhere. My initial time, usually has to be like really getting in touch with the emotions and letting myself feel how awful something was. But then I want to somehow add, I want to

get to a place where I have found the humor in it as well, where I have that. And it's kind of like, I worked for, I was at a bonfire in the beach last night and I sat with a woman who worked for 30 years as a assistant to the county attorneys and in a pretty, an area where there was just, there was a lot of crime and her husband was a cop. And we were just talking about that.

Marcus Hart (17:39)

Mm.

Kristen (18:01)

You know, when I worked for the state attorney's office, when I was first getting my master's degree as a victim advocate and I worked with sex crimes and child abuse and you know, there's nothing funny about that, nothing. But the attorneys, you know, there was this kind of sick sense of humor that they needed. know, have you watched Landman with Billy Bob Thornton?

Marcus Hart (18:13)

Yeah.

but Bob Darden is amazing though.

Kristen (18:26)

my gosh,

okay, he's amazing. just to, you know, it's like kind of his humor where he's just, you know, it's like dark, dark, you know, there are dark situations that he's dealing with, but in order to survive, you know, you have to, like that's, that is a survival tool to try to find ways you can laugh and find the, you know, I mean, otherwise you just give up. You know, this woman was just saying 30 years, 30 years. I mean, I worked for maybe two years.

Marcus Hart (18:29)

Yeah.

Yeah.

Kristen (18:55)

for the state attorney's office. And then I had to move on to other things because it was just too heavy. But 30 years, you you have to find some humor. I think it's, I think it's a sign of a healthy, healthy spirit and soul to be able to get to that place. But it's also something that shouldn't be rushed. mean, if, you know, unfortunately I have some beloved friends who have lost children, you know, like there's nothing funny in that, nothing, you know, and it's not like, I don't even think

Marcus Hart (19:21)

Yeah.

Kristen (19:23)

that that would be the thing to do a comedy show about. mean, you know, it just, so it all, it's one of these things. It just all depends. If it feels like an absolute no to the, to you, to the person that's experiencing trauma, then don't do it. You know, it's too early. If it ever feels like an opening of something that might lighten you in some way, you know, if you can be in a room full of people who've experienced what you've experienced and you guys can smile about it.

you know, if there's something to smile about in a shared experience, then that's, you know, that's the time. But it's not like you should find the humor and you have to find the humor and all of that. Just for me, it was something that helped me kind of pull out of some darkness.

Marcus Hart (20:07)

I like to always say that, you know, you know, his first act of sense of humor was giving us emotions. you know, and so I say that to say that like there's safe spaces where you can explore these things in the dark. Like what may seem dark to people, you know, may actually be, okay, this is what it is.

Kristen (20:15)

Yeah.

Marcus Hart (20:35)

You know, this is what it is and it's part of life. And if we don't find a way to shed some light inside of those dark areas, you know, we're going to be engulfed in them. As you explained, you know, you didn't explain it in those words, know, but that's what I'm taking from it. And so what are we talking about? We kind of like leading on to what true resilience is, right?

Kristen (20:44)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Marcus Hart (20:57)

you know, all in all, know, resilience is so important and it's not simply standing up, you know, but nurturing the ground beneath you. And in some of your own words, and like, you know, if I can sum up some of your own words, you know, learn that every step forward equals the sound of survival, you know. And I I would like for you to kind of maybe illustrate, you know, your resilience.

Kristen (20:57)

Hmm.

Marcus Hart (21:21)

in a more feeble way, you know, by telling us what these Californians can do, you know, coming back and seeing the sunset in a better way.

Kristen (21:39)

Right. Yeah, gosh, you know, and it's, I always want to say here's what I did, take it or leave it, you know, because again, you know, it's, as you know, it's not one size fits all. think resilience is such a beautiful, I loved what you said, the nurturing the ground underneath as well as standing up. That's really beautifully said because I think that kind of addresses one of my

Marcus Hart (21:47)

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (22:07)

concern sometimes about resilience is that it can be that, you know, kind of the standard, like everybody, you know, be resilient. And that's the, you know, the Phoenix rising. have a Phoenix rising tattoo on my shoulder. And so it's a very important metaphor for me. And, you know, to kind of backtrack just a little bit, the spiritual aspect of the fire for me was a very important metaphor, just delving into the, you know, that just

Marcus Hart (22:19)

Yeah.

Kristen (22:36)

burn, everything burns away and the Phoenix rising and the, you know, hope from the ashes and finding the beauty and all of that. That was very important to me. You know, and so that's part of my resilience is that, you know, I mean, some people, there are people as we know who are experiencing the fires in California. Some of them maybe haven't had a ton of trauma in their lives, but some of them probably have.

And I think for the people that have had a lot of trauma, it's kind of a different ball game. It's that having to take extra care to not just think they're going to just rise right away from the ashes. I think there someone asked me about the concept of non-attachment and kind of Buddhism and...

And I was, wrote a blog post, I think I called it holy, what did I call it? Holy non-attachment, but I was talking about that I, that I'm going to cling to things. Like that's just, you know, part of my, I'm not going to just go, non-attachment. And I think, you know, kind of understanding your makeup a little bit as you go through a new loss like that, you know, of how, if you've had multiple losses in your life, then

trying to be really gentle because the rug has been pulled out. The house has home, house has sanctuary for so many people, house has the place to go and retreat and to escape from the world and to take our work personas off and our social personas off and just get to exist, and that place is gone. It can be, and I'm just even saying that I'm just getting chills for the people.

Marcus Hart (23:55)

Yeah.

Kristen (24:20)

that you're ungrounded. So I think that expecting resilience right away, I think it's like one foot in front of the other for a while until you get to resilience, you know? And one foot in front of the other, when you look back on it, that's resilience, you know? And I can just, I think of my most recent, my mental health crisis, it was, my gosh, mean, during that,

Marcus Hart (24:32)

Yeah.

Kristen (24:42)

It was not seeing, I could not see a way through and I really had to do one step in front of the other. And, you know, and again, just to reiterate it, you know, that was a lifetime accumulation of trauma that was then triggered by a traumatic event that then everything kind of was in my face. But being in it, it was, it was the worst thing I've ever been through. mean, worse than the fire and the fire.

Marcus Hart (24:57)

Yeah.

Kristen (25:05)

added to it. was another traumatic event that was kind of in there. But, you so when you're in it, sometimes you, it is just that, just put one foot in front of the other, just the next right thing, just the, has to be done today, just the, what has to be done this minute, what has to be done this hour, you know, it's very, I mean, in the 12 step programs, it's one step at a time, but it can be, you know, and one day at a time, but sometimes we need it.

Marcus Hart (25:10)

you

in.

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (25:35)

one hour, one minute, one second. Can I get through this next minute? You know, can I, so there'll be people that are hit at that level and then there'll be people that are just kind of like, well, you know, reborn, I'm reborn already. And most likely most of them will not be quite to that reborn already. but because it's just so much to deal with. There's so much. And when you're talking about the level of loss that has happened in California, the

Marcus Hart (25:55)

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (26:04)

you know, that fires at that level where it's just, you know, just devastation everywhere you look. I mean, that is a whole, that's a whole nother thing too.

Marcus Hart (26:10)

Yeah.

You

wanna kind of impress you a little bit because people are going to stumble along the way. Can you share any specific stumbles along your path that maybe taught you more than like achievements themselves and maybe how others like find lessons in their own setbacks?

Kristen (26:31)

of stumbles I've had. And yeah, I've had many stumbles. And are you talking more things that have happened kind of to me or are you?

Marcus Hart (26:34)

Mm-hmm.

But here's the thing, know, so I think the best way, best metaphor I could use, I like using metaphors. it's like a professional athlete returning from a serious injury, right? And, you know, they go on to the first game and they being extra careful. And before you know it, make they making all of these mistakes, even though they

Kristen (26:51)

Yeah.

Marcus Hart (27:08)

they have already been rehabbed and kind of been coached on like, you know, well, you can move this way, this is your new way. And thus the same is with like, you know, dealing with trauma and dealing with like situations that like, you know, are so devastated that, of course we have learned from them, but we're still like tripping up and don't know how to properly respond and things that might trigger, you know, that like hit of that episode.

all over again.

Kristen (27:36)

Oh, yeah. you know,

I know. Yeah, I mean, I've been kind of this is it's funny because this incident that I'm talking about, it was really I think it was summer of 23. So however long that I guess it's only been a year and a half, not not three years. So I'm someone who got into 12 step recovery when I was 23. And then I went back to school right away and earned a master's degree in counseling and kind of found my purpose working with

Marcus Hart (27:50)

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (28:05)

people helping others to recover from addictions. And I had an eating disorder, sort of recover from eating disorders. And so that was the beginning of my path. And, you know, I've had some, I've been on a path for a long time, maybe longer than you are old. I don't know how old you are, but you look pretty young. Since 1989, I've been on this, you know, on this journey. And so, you know, you would think kind of like,

Marcus Hart (28:25)

Thank you.

Kristen (28:34)

You can imagine the idea that you think that, you know, I have tools and so I will keep kind of growing and growing and growing and growing, you know, and that has been the case. But, and I think so, you know, I've had pregnancy losses. I've had, I had melanoma, had my, mom died suddenly, unexpectedly. My, one of my very best friends, right two days before my mom died, died of cancer after only four months of being

diagnosed. This was that was post fire. I've had you know, pretty serious problems in my marriage. We're still happily married, but you know, we've walked through the things that some couples walk through. All of that has felt like that Phoenix rising until we got to in 2021. I had a memory of early childhood sexual abuse that was completely hidden from my view. And

I was doing my best to work on that and honor that. And then I was having health problems at the same time. So I was dealing with, had a lung, I was diagnosed with a lung disease after coughing blood and had a uterine cancer scare that same time. And the lung thing was like a six months of waiting to try to find out what it was. And then it was a lifestyle change to deal with this, this lung disease I have.

And all of that, I I definitely started getting a little tired at the, with the health stuff. was like starting to kind of stall out a bit. And then I had this incident that, that triggered my childhood sexual trauma. was only like, was barely a body memory. And when that happened,

Marcus Hart (30:06)

Yeah.

on

Kristen (30:23)

I have tinnitus too. I've had tinnitus for 15 years. That's the ringing in the ears. And, but it was always at a manageable level. When this traumatic event happened in the summer of 23, it triggered my tinnitus, which triggered insomnia, which triggered anxiety, but everything really was triggered all at once. And I went from being highly functional, someone who had walked through all of that, all the stuff I mentioned and was very,

Marcus Hart (30:29)

Yeah.

Kristen (30:51)

You know, I've always struggled with...

I've always worked so hard and my complaint would be to when I go to therapists is why do I work so hard yet still struggle as much as I do? And the answer came when I had the memory of early childhood sexual abuse. You know, that explained this because it was this unknown thing that was just dragging me down. But

Marcus Hart (31:10)

Hmm.

Yeah.

Kristen (31:17)

but it didn't come to a head until two years later, till the summer of 23, when this, all this event happened that triggered all of that. And I crashed, man. Like I crashed hard. And I didn't, I was suicidal. I didn't think I could make it through. And thankfully I know how to ask for help. And I was very fortunate to have resources to ask for help and find help.

And I got help, but it was a, it was not like it was, it took months till I felt stable months. And so I would say that's a pretty big stumble for someone at, you know, I'm, I'm 58 now. So I was 50. I get confused on the years. Well, I was, you know, it was, two years ago, 2023, um, in the summer. And. You know, for someone at that phase of life.

Marcus Hart (31:52)

Thank

right? Yes.

Kristen (32:11)

who had done the amount of work I had done to, and had the degree that I have and have all the training that I've done and to help the people that I have and to have the support system that I have to crash that hard and that far down. I mean, that was a stumble and it's, you I am, you know, I'm a different person right now, but.

it still can come, like I think when you crash, have a serious mental health crisis. can also, it creates its own trauma because it is all of a sudden what I counted on, which was a level of mental health that I could count on. Even though I could struggle, you know, I have anxiety or I have some depression and I struggle. It was never like that. And so when you see how delicate the psyche is and the system can be,

That's a scary thing in itself. That's a terrifying thing in itself because it's like, will it happen again? Will it happen again? You know, and I've had to prove myself through walking step by step. when during that summer, it was, it was literally what I was saying earlier, like just get through today, just get through the next hour. Are you okay right now? Are you okay right now? Yes. Okay. I'm okay right now. I can get through, you know,

Marcus Hart (33:07)

You know.

Kristen (33:25)

It was like that. So I think that that is, and it's not, you know, I've not shared about this. Like it's not, I've started writing about it. I may put my writing out in the world about it. I would like to, because I think it's, you know, like the work you do. I mean, it's, it's really inspired me to get back to, I had the idea to promote this book to try to, cause the book came out in 2016, I think, I can't remember exactly, but

Marcus Hart (33:32)

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (33:53)

you know, it needs to be in the hands of more people because it helps. Really, it will help. It will help the people who are going through it, but more it will help friends of people, loved ones of people, core coworkers of people to understand what it's really like to go through it. Because when you lose your house, you're not first thing you're thinking is not, I'm going to read this book, you know? And so I had this idea of like, I really want to put this stuff out there. So I thought I want to do some publicity for it. I want to start talking about it. But what naturally started to happen is I realized

Marcus Hart (33:55)

Yeah.

Right.

Kristen (34:21)

I can't not talk about summer of 23 because it's, it would be a lie to not. And that's my biggest trauma ever experience ever. And, so what's happened is I've started to come out of my shell in a way. I mean, I was, you know, good and solid. And if you asked any of my friends and my support network, would say, I think she's better than ever. But I wasn't still, I was still in a cocoon of.

Marcus Hart (34:31)

that.

Kristen (34:47)

I don't know what my purpose is so much anymore. I'm at a crossroads in my career. don't, you know, I haven't been, you know, I used to do what you do, you know, interview people and speak and all of that. And I haven't been wanting to do that. And, so it's helped me. This is the next part of my coming out of like, literally it's happening as we're speaking, then I am coming out of a place that I was in that was.

Marcus Hart (35:04)

Yeah.

Yeah.

Kristen (35:10)

so

dark and so scary and so awful and so I didn't know if I could get through it to, okay, now I can come and talk about it. And I can't quite laugh about it yet. You know, that's what I mean about, you know, like I'm crying right now. I can't quite, I can't quite laugh. Although my husband and I, said, what can we call it? And he's from Tennessee. So like, how about we call it your spail? You went through a spail.

Marcus Hart (35:22)

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (35:36)

So, you know, like that's as much as I can laugh about it right now. And because it wasn't funny at all. You know, anybody who's had like they don't have a mental health crisis where they don't know if they're going to make it through or not. It's not funny. It's scary as shit. You know, I hope I can say that the S word. So.

Marcus Hart (35:51)

Yeah, you can. Yeah. Yeah,

they allow me up to like a couple now that I'm monetized. They allow me a couple, you know, when it's in good content. this is, you know, very useful context for like what you describe. And I thank you for, you know, for being vulnerable and sharing that with us. I mean, there's so many people out there that need to hear this. And I'm grateful for it, know, grateful for this moment right now.

Kristen (35:57)

Okay. Yeah.

Marcus Hart (36:13)

Before we transition into like our sponsor. I just want to say this about it, you know Your strength combined with your emotional intelligence if we was to put that on the teeter-totter And on the other side of that we put like all of these these vague issues Rather as yours or someone else's you you you'll bounce that thing out into the universe, know, so So so it's very amazing, you know

Kristen (36:32)

Mm-hmm.

Marcus Hart (36:36)

to connect with like-minded people and people who can understand deeply what you may be going through, even though it may not be that Pacific thing, but it's a thing. So I like to say it's a thing. And this definitely is the story of a finished rising. We need this. So for those who out there listening, we're going to check in with Christian and we're going to take a quick break.

Kristen (36:49)

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for saying that.

Yeah, thank you.

Marcus Hart (37:05)

And speaking of charting paths and navigating all of life's daily, I like to call them obstacle courses that doesn't require a magic wand. So just like our sponsor, we're going to dive into rather it's a knight in innovation or just we're even cocoa. So make it transformative with Transforming You Coffee. We'll be right, right back.

Marcus Hart (38:16)

Okay, everyone we are back. This is Marcus on the transform you live show with our good friend here Christian She's been taking us through So much importance of like, you know, not only just getting through a wildfire But you know our own different wildfires of trauma that we go through, know We face them at any different particular part of our lives and we just don't know what is gonna happen You know, even when we feel like we got it all together we can

life circumstances where it may trigger off like, where it started from and where we didn't know or realize it started from and here we are, you know. So, but just like it says, it takes a village to raise a child, you but perhaps it takes a whole community to mend the heart, you know. So, we're going to dive in with Christian and explore his profound power and stories and community. So, Christian, what's your encouragement, you know, right now?

You emphasize the importance of community and overcoming grief. How did your community influence your healing process?

Kristen (39:13)

You know, I think hugely, I want to say. And I think cultivating it, because some people will feel like, well, I don't have that. If you feel like you don't have it, find a support group, because there are support groups. And then all of a sudden, you will have it. And I learned that in early recovery, 12 step. I didn't know anybody who was 23 years old and quitting drugs and alcohol.

Marcus Hart (39:20)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Kristen (39:36)

you know,

getting healed from an eating disorder and was living a healthy lifestyle, you know, but I found them in 12 steps. And so I think that it's, you know, some people, some people have strong communities and I do, I've built a huge strong community. Although, you know, when we're in it, when we're in the dark spaces, we can easily think I'm all alone, nobody understands, you know, I mean, I literally on my phone, have my, you know, how we can do on the iPhone and I'm sure the other phones too, I have my favorites.

And so I have like 15 people on there and I can go through the list and I can look at, and sometimes I'll go, they might be too busy or maybe they won't understand, but I can usually find someone. And I mean, it's another 12 step lesson is like you get a phone list and you just start dialing. You just pick up that phone, that 95 pound phone and you start dialing. So even if you don't have

If you don't have it, find it because it's going to save your butt. You know, it really is going to save your butt. I mean, I think that like we talked about earlier, the community of people that understand truly understand what it is. And then there can be people who just love you, you know, for the various reasons. Maybe you're lucky enough to have family. And if you're not lucky enough to have family, you know, find family, create friendships, you know, find people to talk to. you know, and it helps.

As we know, being people, you you are definitely a helper. I'm a helper. You know, we know that it feels good when people come to us. You know, you're giving a gift when you go and ask someone for help. People love that. People love to be of service and make a difference. you know, and, and, and then there's the, can fall into trying to fix people, which, you know, I have, I have fallen into that, you know, wanting, I want to take people's pain away so badly.

Marcus Hart (41:14)

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (41:28)

But I think, you know, just start where you are. And even if it's just one person that you have, lean on that person and then find another person and then you can lean on that person. And then we know we trade in this life. You know, there are, you know, it may be your turn right now, but it's going to be their turn later for sure.

Marcus Hart (41:47)

I like to think of that like, that you heal someone just from asking them for help and then in turn they heal you too. It's like sharing a burrito. So they got one in, that's officially came to my mind instantly when you mentioned that.

Kristen (41:55)

Yeah.

wearing a burrito

and then you end up kissing at the end of the burrito. That's really good. And you? I like that image, it's really good. And then you had your cat earlier and I have the love of my life right here and that, you know, animals, like having animals in one's head, you know?

Marcus Hart (42:06)

Yeah, yeah, so yeah, you got all of the sauce on your face.

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

huh.

yeah, they're amazing. Yeah. Yeah,

Kristen (42:29)

And even if you're,

Marcus Hart (42:29)

I can't tell you how many times. Yeah.

Kristen (42:31)

yeah, if your community, your community might be your animals or your community could be, if you have animals, go find some people to walk your dog with or talk about cats with, know, like it's find community anyway. But I think having animals and if you don't have animals and can't have animals, but you know, they might be healing to you, go and volunteer at a rescue, you know, to find community, to get out of, you know, for me,

Marcus Hart (42:36)

Mm-hmm.

to

Yes.

Kristen (42:57)

That would be too hard because I would want to take them all home. But I know it's a beautiful, I actually volunteer for a rescue, but in a different way. I want to have a pit bull rescue and have all of them, you know.

Marcus Hart (43:01)

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I don't know. know. Here it is. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And this reminds us though that like each voice, each tear in every laugh, you it just adds to like a shared experience that like form resilient connection and support. And I think I want to ask you that like, you know, as someone is rebuilding that the devastation like you did, you know, what's the best advice you would give them, you know, to look to form resilient support networks? And you mentioned like some good ones.

Kristen (43:23)

Mm-hmm.

Marcus Hart (43:37)

But 12 step is definitely like amazing. You is there any you think you might have missed that you might want to add in there?

Kristen (43:46)

Well, I think for people dealing with fire specifically, I think is what you're asking. sadly there have been so many people. I think you could look hashtag some of the older fires. I think probably there are groups forming for people that are in the current fires. I would look for older groups forming. Use hashtag to look on older groups that have formed to try to find

Marcus Hart (43:51)

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (44:12)

Because everybody in your current group, they're going through the same thing. So that's great community in that you're going through the same thing. But having people who have walked the walk before to try to look at, find them that way. think there may be resources that I, there are plenty of resources I don't know about, but reaching out to maybe the Red Cross, maybe local.

Marcus Hart (44:30)

Yeah.

Kristen (44:35)

know, community foundation, community centers, fire departments, the Wildland Firefighter Foundation is a, they support wildland firefighters and their families. Those have been lost. you know, firefighters are looking for support. I think a lot of them know about the Wildland Firefighter Foundation. I mean, our book, I think is a great support. You know, just if you want to just have something in your hands to just pick a story, there are 21 stories in there.

some women who lost their homes, some women who didn't and had survivor's guilt. We have a social worker in there. that's, mean, it's social workers too, trying to find social workers that are, I mean, typically what will happen is even in our small community, that things started to form. So the community organizations and the social workers that work with the community organizations started to come together and create kind of a special offerings for people who've been through it. So I, you I don't know specifically of.

what's happening out there, but I'm sure there are things happening. But I would say, know, finding those who have been through it is a, would be a really good tool and suggestion.

Marcus Hart (45:39)

Yeah.

And those are definitely great examples. some people can just like, you know, chop those down right away. And I would just add, I don't know if you said it, I think you did say Salvation Army. Salvation Army is amazing too. Yeah, they are definitely amazing. I love the work they do as well. And Facebook, like that's one of the best uses of Facebook is to find people who...

Kristen (45:57)

I didn't say that, but yeah, that's a good one. Yeah.

right.

Marcus Hart (46:09)

Totally, you know share sharing what you are like experiencing and share different interests And whatnot and connect people connect people around the world. I think that's a terrific So, you know Maybe just you know share share it like again the title of the book and where we can find it, you know because I think that's going to be you know, a very easy resource that you can continue to like, you know review back and

Kristen (46:15)

We're good.

Marcus Hart (46:37)

know, it garrisoned instant like support in there.

Kristen (46:40)

Yes,

the book is called Phoenix Rising Stories of Remarkable Women Walking Through Fire and it is wherever books are sold. So any of your online retailers, your, if a bookstore doesn't have it, they can order it because it has the normal distribution channels so it can be ordered through any bookstore. And, you know, we'd love to get that in as many hands as possible. It really would be, I think it just would make a big difference for so many people. And there's just not

There's not much out there. There's nothing like our book out there. So we want to get it in hands.

Marcus Hart (47:15)

Excellent, And in fact, what we're to do, you we're going to actually take a couple copies of your book and we're going to put it in our next webinar coming up and we're going to, you know, I'm just letting this know now. I want to say it on air so that like my listeners and viewers will be prepared for it. So we got a webinar coming up and we want to buy a couple copies of your book and create an affiliate link for people who wants to just grab it.

So that way it'd be readily available for them and we're just gonna ship it off to them for free. Yes, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so as we wrap this thing up here, I think we wanna take note that comedy is great to get through life, but the ultimate call to action is that we do tap into your unique joy.

Kristen (47:41)

Great.

Great, thank you. that's wonderful. Thank you so much.

Marcus Hart (48:07)

Splash with your your warmth and your wisdom and and with all the actionable steps that like this episode today encourages us As a whole to move on those who are like going through this, you know this devastated event which you know, even Things that are like are bad and dark guy can make me good and positive, know, so There's there's there's a chart

to get on, know, we chart through the waters, let's put it like that, you know, towards our renewal journey. And I thank you for that.

Kristen (48:37)

you

Thank you. Thank you for the work you do. It's really inspiring. Really appreciate it.

Marcus Hart (48:45)

Thank you. Thank you as well. in closing, I want to leave you guys with an inspirational scripture, Proverbs 3 and 5 6 says, trust in the Lord with all your heart. And empowers our stories in, wrapping it all up with hope and laughter. So, and winding up, let's honor Christian, who's a unique blend of profound insight and survivor spirit feeds our soul. For deeper engagement or sharing stories, make sure you do grab her.

a book, join in on the community that we have here. Follow and share the journey here at the Transform You Live show. Transformation is not televised, it's you. And again, until next time, many blessings, peace and lots of love. I'm Marcus signing off with Kristen.

Kristen (49:30)

Thank